did you?

One day he came with the lily.
with all the apologies he returned.
He returned to fill my days with love.
until at last he made my day becomes a mess.
why did you do that?
What did I do?
many times he repeated the same mistake.
and I always forgave him.
until one day I made a mistake.
he shot back.
very painful.
why?
almost lost my life.
and he did not care about that.
he left me.
I returned to myself.
back into silence.
back into solitude.
up until finally there was someone who came to me with love.
I began to forget the whole thing.
forget all the past memories.
suddenly he returned.
back with cries of spoiled full of meaning.
I did not know the meaning of his crying inside.
he wants me back to him.
millions apology and regret he admitted.
I can not bear to see him at the time.
sad.
oh god,
he has hurt me.
and now he wants me to go back to him.
how can I take it back?

so sorry :(

his warm embrace only temporary. now I'm living life as usual. quiet, silent and crying. i always hoped that it could return. but it was not possible. because i already have someone else.

how suffer

This story just happens one time in my life.
I don't want to suffer because of it all.

this heart

sesekali ingat hanya bisa tersenyum.

kenangan itu indah tapi kini tiada.

mencoba berdiri dengan tegar.

tapi apa daya? 

aku hanya perempuan biasa yang ingin dicintai. :)

KEHILANGAN ..

pernahkah kamu merasa kehilangan seseorang yang kamu sayangi?
bagaimana rasanya?
ketika hal itu datang, bagaimana cara kita menghadapi kenyataan yang begitu sakit?
akankah semua itu hanya sementara atau abadi?

cerita yang cukup mengharukan, yang begitu sulit untuk dilupakan.
hari-hari selalu bersama.
tutur kata yang lembut selalu menuntunnya.
belaian sayang yang begitu hangat.
menahan emosi yang meledak-ledak.
aku tau dia sangat kecewa olehku.
beribu-ribu permintaan maaf selalu keluar dari mulutku.
tanpa tau bagaimana perasaan dia.
penyesalan datang, ketika aku melihat dia bahagia dengan orang lain.
orang lain yang bisa disebut sahabat.

rasa sakit yg aku rasa membuat diriku merobek urat nadiku.
ternyata pembalasan amat sangat kejam.
sekian lama merasa terbebani oleh pikiran yang negatif.
merusak seluruh tubuhku.
aku..
menghilangan aura dalam tubuhku.
karenanya.
aku..
merusak tubuhku.
karenanya.

hingga suatu saat dia kembali dengan permohonan maaf.
dengan luka yang membekas di tubuhnya, dia bilang ingin kembali padaku.
dan aku..
hanya bisa tersenyum.
dan mengizinkan dia untuk kembali di dalam hidupku.
canda dan tawa menhampiri hidupku dan dia.
larangan berdatangan.
tapi kami tetap satu.
ak dan dia memperjuangan rasa ini.
hari-hari yang kelabupun terasa sangat nyaman karenanya.
dia memberiku semangat yang tak ada hentinya.
disaat ak putus asa, dia jawabannya.

suatu saat aku berbuat salah kecil.
salah yang bnr2 bisa diatasi.
tapi mendadak dia berubah.
mendadak dia kasar.
mendadak dia tega.
mendadak dia meninggalkan aku.
dia membalasku.
membalas semuanya.

dalam kondisi yang tidak memungkinkan ak berlari menuju rumahnya.
aku hanya ingin dia memberi aku kejelasan.
tapi dengan dingin dia hanya menjawab. "aku sudah tidak peduli."
tuhan,,...
salahku tidak seberapa.
tapi dia membalasku dengan begitu kejinya.
hingga aku terkapar tidak berdaya di rumah sakit.
aku dalam keadaan begitupun dia tidak mau tau.

berhari-hari aku menunggu kabarnya.
sehingga aku mengalami kejenuhan.
aku sakit.
aku butuh dia.
tapi dia tidak ada disampingku.
aku mencoba melewati sendiri.
sampai akhirnya ada orang lain yang datang padaku.
memberikan segalanya untukku.

semuanya berjalan dengan normal.
dan aku bisa melupakan dia dengan total.
sampai akhirnya dia datang kembali dan merusak segalanya.
mengubah pendirian ini.
datang dengan tangis.
datang dengan pelukkan.
datang dengan sakit.
akupun merasakan sakitnya dia.
sejenak aku berpikir.,
begitu kejamnya dia dulu denganku.
begitu teganya dia terhadap perempuan.
dan begitu teganya dia dengan aku.

ya tuhan, apa yang harus aku lakukan.?
ketika rasa itu mulai hilang dia kembali.
dengan seribu maaf.
seribu alasan.
airmata terus mengalir.
aku sayang dia.
aku butuh dia.
tapi aku merasa sakit ketika harus merasakan kejadian dulu.
aku harus menahan rasa ini.
aku harusnya disayang bukan disakiti.
dan mungkin aku jg harus melakukan itu untuk org lain.

learn to sincere :)

i know all of that is lie, I know all of them fake.
but, what can I do?
this is a lesson for me.
seeks to become the person calm and think positive.
initially it is very difficult. because I know you are a liar.
everyday if i was without a negative thought, this wouldn't have been possible.
maybe yesterday i have been do mistakes, but why you don't want to forgive me? are you revenge with me?
I am sincere, if it is true that you want to do.
I can only cry and ask God to give me strenght.

I can only weep, weep and cry.
so the tears I have exhausted.
unfortunately, I can only apologize and promise not to repeat.
i ask you to forgive all of mistake that i have done.
but you don't care about that.
I can only say sorry!
you may be too bored with the apology of me.

now i try to believe you.
but please don't make me disappointed.
we have been doing the same mistake.
I want to make this lesson for us.

I want to improve this relationship.
I hope you also.
this bustup can killing me.
i wish you become a person who loves me.
I know that you are great, the person who can forgive.
so I just want to repeat everything from the beginning.
thank you love.
i know who you are.
and i know you love me.
all of this is only a small scream of my heart.

i don't need a people who want to know my problem :(

I should face this all alone.
because I was born to this world only themselves.
without anyone.
without any understanding of my weeping, without which there would understand me, without which I know is happy or sad.
Therefore I have to undergo this life.
undergo with a strong.
with all my ability, I believe, surely God help me.
I can overcome all my problems alone, without another people.
I was born to be a strong person.
and habitual to do anything themselves.

I do not care what people would say.
because I believe in my own self.
me are me.
good or bad, only me that i can feel.
whether it is good for me?
Or that bad for me?
how they can know.
do all I can only feel.

they should be aware that we live in the world this may not not have any problems.
I damned annoyed with people who always want arrangement I know.
all of that hogwash if they care about.
they only want to know.
and without they realize that their intervention took my problem.
O God,
give them awareness.

Keep myself from people like that.
they can only destroy my way of life.
I am a strong girl.
the girl who can do all things with myself.

there maybe someone who can care with me because he loves me.
and perhaps I can only share with him.
that someone named muhammad udho sartono.